I want to stay a little girl forever………


 

I don’t want to have too much responsibilities… I don’t need any serious decisions, feelings, relationships……
I’m definitely not ready for being an adult.
I thought I knew what love was, but the only thing I know for sure is:
I have really no idea, what love is.
I can’t imagine spending my WHOLE LIFE WITH ONLY ONE PERSON! I’m afraid of fixed things.
I know you may say lots of beautiful words about love. I can also tell you wonderful words, but I can’t really understand what it feels like, when you are sure: That’s the person I want to spend my whole life with! …. and frankly speaking I don’t want to know.
I want to have fun yet… to flirt, talk, spend good time. I’m not ready for anything serious.

I’m not ready for making big decisions like leave for Germany for 2 years……

I’ve just finished reading Coelho’s “The Zahir” and actually I like some of his books, but this one seemed so banal to me. He writes how disgusting the banality is, but ironically, the book seems trite itself to me.
He talks about love again, but I don’t understand a word. To say better I understand, but I DO NOT feel this love coming from him. How can one be in love and meanwhile love other women too? And what does love actually mean? Happiness? Freedom? Honesty? Madness? Loyalty? concession? great sex? Or all these at the same time? But what if something misses? For example : Loyalty? Or madness? and you just love with a warm, still, kind feeling?
I don’t know and I don’t want to know either. I wish I could see the world with child’s eyes… Or may be a girl’s eyes, who just wants to have fun without hurting herself and other people.

I don’t want anything to be fixed forever. I can’t make lifetime decisions concerning feelings, career or anything else.

Why should we name everything with certain titles? Why can’t we just feel the way we feel and be happy? Even if it’s not an “ideal feeling”? Why people don’t believe, when I’m saying: I’m not taking things too seriously?
May be Because we all want to show as if we already know everything about life, but I think we don’t know anything……. None of us has idea what it is all about.

I just want to be HAPPY when the sun rises…
when I visit some new place, city or country…
when a boy smiles to me…
when I drink a cold tasty georgian water after being thirsty for few hours….
when my brothers play guitar…
when I’m laughing with my friends…
when I buy “Kinder Surprise” and put up some little lovely toy…
when I read some interesting book… hear nice melody… watching movie..
when I feel how rain or grass smells…
when I hug someone…
when the new year comes…
when I help someone or someone helps me…
when I buy new beautiful earrings…
when I’m wearing a beautiful dress with flowers…
when I’m dancing… singing.. playing… running… and just enjoying life

and I definitely don’t need any promises for endless and immortal love, life-time job or a house, in which I’d live forever. I want to roam, in thoughts and in my actions. I want to experiment….

I want to stay a little girl forever………….

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